Lights Out for Rubik's Cube - Office Noir

Her name...was Rubik's Cube. No, that wasn't the name on her birth certificate but that's what everybody called her, you see, myeah. They called her Rubik's Cube because, just like the children's toy, she was always spinning office proceedures into new configurations - nothing that really made any difference, you see, but tweaking the little things, always tweaking. Things like who does what and where they do them. Watch this person do that thing and then sign a form saying you saw it. Copy these, close this, leave that open. Every week, new proceedures and none of it mattered in the long run. Well somebody got tired of all the new proceedures and decided to do something about it. It was lights out for Rubik's Cube.

That's where I come in. I'm a gumshoe by the name of Nightshade. Luna Nightshade. I used to be a cop and I still got friends on the force, you see. Detective Milo Durante came to see me this morning and he said, "Luna, we got trouble. I need your help."

I never could resist the big lug so I told him to have a seat. I poured two fingers of cheap bourbon for each of us and lit a cigarette. I knew if Milo was here things were bad, real bad, so I asked him, "Whatcha got, gorgeous?"

He took a long moment to stare into his glass and collect his thoughts. Meanwhile, I was looking him over. His hair and suit were rumpled and when he looked up I could see there were dark circles under his eyes.

"I'll cut to the chase, dollface. We got ourselves a murder and I need some answers, answers I can't get for myself, and I need 'em quick. It's a high-profile case and Sarge is really in a fix about it."

"Who's the vic?"

"Woman by the name of Rubik's Cube. A real ball-breaker from what I hear. She died away from the office but we think we have ample cause to suspect her co-workers. No one saw anything and no one is sad to see her go. I don't want to tell you too much. Let's see what you come up with.It's a real tough case, I tell you, myeah."

"What exactly do you expect me to do about it?"

"I want you to go undercover. I can get you in there as her replacement. I want you to make friends, put your ear to the ground, see what you can see, you see?"


The next morning I showed up at the office wearing a big smile and a business suit with a skirt that showed off gams a mile long. I figured I'd start off with a big bang working on the men. It's easy for a pretty woman to make friends with men, and I'm no slouch in the looks department. Women are harder. They know the tricks. I figured I'd get the men on my side and then go to work on the ladies.

It didn't take long to come up with some suspects - the deceased wasn't known for playing nice. Yeah, she had enemies. No wonder the boys in blue weren't getting anywhere with this case.

First there was Captain Caribou. Of course that wasn't his real name but what you might not know about caribou is that they're dumb as rocks and that summed up The Captain pretty well. I soon learned that he was nursing a pretty big grudge, too. See The Captain has this hobby that he loves more than he likes his job. Seems "The Cube" found out he's been persuing his hobby instead of tending to his duties from 9-5. She was threatening to snitch on him to the big boss.

Next, there was the dizzy blonde everyone calls "Huge!" She's anything but, but that's her catchphrase. She says it all the time. Well, "Huge" just learned that what she's been skating by on isn't enough. The Cube wants bigger, better, more and "Huge" is feeling the pressure. It ain't pretty.

The last best suspect was a harried young assistant. Hard-working and well-liked, she was affectionately called "Do-Girl" by her peers because they recognized she was always being pulled in too many directions by upper management. They were always after her to "do this, do that." Her friends tried to help but she was feeling the stress.

That night I contacted Milo. Told him what I'd found. He told me to drop a few hints that I'd heard a rumor the police were keeping a close eye on a suspect. He said I should watch the three prime suspects closely. Maybe the guilty party would start to sweat.

So that's what I did and the results were wild. Before the end of the day the police station had 6 "confessions." One slashed breakline, one shot through the living room window, one case of arson, and three poisonings. They all confessed because none of them knew the actual cause of death. Any of them could have been the real killer. All of them had tried. Yeah. She had enemies. And they turned her lights out.