Talk to the house

Have you ever seen something that defies "rational" explanation?

I have.

Back in the early 90's I shared a house with a co-worker and her two little boys. The house was a nice, normal little 3 bedroom, 2 bath home on a quiet street in a decent neighborhood. It didn't happen too often that I was home alone, but one Saturday afternoon I was delighted to find that I had the house all to myself. Roommate and kids were out of town for the night. I was expecting company but they hadn't arrived yet. Ahhh, blissful quiet.

It was late, late in the afternoon and the remnants of the sun's rays were coming through the windows at the back of the house casting long shadows and tinting everything a dark golden orange hue. I had been watching something on TV and hadn't gotten up to turn on a light yet, even though it seemed to be getting darker by the minute. I was curled up on the sofa, completely relaxed and comfortable, with a blanket on my lap.

As evening crept in, the colors in the room gradually shifted from the warm golden glow of the sun to the cooler grays and purples of the nighttime spectrum and these tones were further enhanced by the blue glow from the television.

After a while I was startled to notice a whirling shadow, which I immediately identified as the ceiling fan over the dining room table. It took me only a moment to realize that it shouldn't be on. It hadn't been on. I know this because even without the circulating air from the fan I was snuggled up on the sofa with a blanket. I got up and went over to the switch on the wall and saw that it was in the "off" position. Curious, I flicked the switch "on" and then "off" again and saw the spinning blades begin to slow down. I remember thinking that was odd but really, we hadn't lived in the house very long and who knew what odd quirks there might be. I waited for the fan blades to come to a complete standstill and then I turned on the light, went back to the sofa and sat down again.

About 20 minutes after I reclaimed my position on the couch those same swirling shadows caught my eye again and this time I was alarmed by the thought that we must have some faulty wiring in the house. I remember getting up, flicking lights on and off and plugging things into random outlets all over the house. Everything appeared to be working correctly with the exception of the ceiling fan, so this time I made sure that the pull chain on the fan was also in the "off" position. I couldn't imagine how that could make a difference, since I had clearly seen it stop and then begin again, but I figured it couldn't hurt.

This time it stayed off and I made a mental note to mention it to my roommate. We would need to speak to our landlord about it and have him take a look.

Not long after, I heard water running in the master bath. Believing it to be just an air bubble in the pipes, I expected it to gush for a second and then stop. But it didn't stop. Now, I'm not talking about a trickle or even a slow steady stream. This was a sustained sound, in the tub, just as if someone had turned on the tap to get the temp just right in preparation for a shower.

I got up and hesitantly went into my room (the master bedroom was mine). By now I was halfway convinced there was someone in the house who was messing with me and I'll admit I was scared. I crept through the bedroom, checked behind the door and quietly looked into the closet. Nothing. Meanwhile, the water was still running. I knew I had to go look.

I took a deep breath and peeked around the door frame. There was no one there. By now I was quite unnerved and before doing anything else, I ran through the house, checking under every bed, in every closet, the laundry room - everywhere! I checked all the doors and windows. The house was locked up tight and I wasn't any happier to discover that.

Quickly, I went back into the bathroom before I lost my nerve. I stood looking at the tub for a moment, searching for an answer. I'm a very logical thinker and so after a moment I convinced myself I was just being silly. Surely, the washer on the faucet was going bad and some extra pressure in the line could have caused the water to turn on. I clearly remember thinking that we really needed to talk to the landlord first thing in the morning.

I reached for the handle and before I could touch it, I watched it turn. Off. By itself. The flow of water simply and completely stopped. I stood there, blinking stupidly, not comprehending what I had just seen. I couldn't think of a single explanation. I couldn't rationalize it away.

Stunned, very excited, and a little bit nervous (I'll admit it) I went back out into the living room. I slowly turned in circles a couple of times and then, me being me, I took the direct approach and spoke to the house.

I said something along the lines of "Ok, so now I know you're here and clearly you know that I'm here. I have no problem sharing this space with you, and as long as you leave me and the others who live here alone we'll leave you alone. Deal?"

We lived in that house for a total of 6 months and not one additional weird thing happened there. Make of that what you will.

Lights Out for Rubik's Cube - Office Noir

Her name...was Rubik's Cube. No, that wasn't the name on her birth certificate but that's what everybody called her, you see, myeah. They called her Rubik's Cube because, just like the children's toy, she was always spinning office proceedures into new configurations - nothing that really made any difference, you see, but tweaking the little things, always tweaking. Things like who does what and where they do them. Watch this person do that thing and then sign a form saying you saw it. Copy these, close this, leave that open. Every week, new proceedures and none of it mattered in the long run. Well somebody got tired of all the new proceedures and decided to do something about it. It was lights out for Rubik's Cube.

That's where I come in. I'm a gumshoe by the name of Nightshade. Luna Nightshade. I used to be a cop and I still got friends on the force, you see. Detective Milo Durante came to see me this morning and he said, "Luna, we got trouble. I need your help."

I never could resist the big lug so I told him to have a seat. I poured two fingers of cheap bourbon for each of us and lit a cigarette. I knew if Milo was here things were bad, real bad, so I asked him, "Whatcha got, gorgeous?"

He took a long moment to stare into his glass and collect his thoughts. Meanwhile, I was looking him over. His hair and suit were rumpled and when he looked up I could see there were dark circles under his eyes.

"I'll cut to the chase, dollface. We got ourselves a murder and I need some answers, answers I can't get for myself, and I need 'em quick. It's a high-profile case and Sarge is really in a fix about it."

"Who's the vic?"

"Woman by the name of Rubik's Cube. A real ball-breaker from what I hear. She died away from the office but we think we have ample cause to suspect her co-workers. No one saw anything and no one is sad to see her go. I don't want to tell you too much. Let's see what you come up with.It's a real tough case, I tell you, myeah."

"What exactly do you expect me to do about it?"

"I want you to go undercover. I can get you in there as her replacement. I want you to make friends, put your ear to the ground, see what you can see, you see?"


The next morning I showed up at the office wearing a big smile and a business suit with a skirt that showed off gams a mile long. I figured I'd start off with a big bang working on the men. It's easy for a pretty woman to make friends with men, and I'm no slouch in the looks department. Women are harder. They know the tricks. I figured I'd get the men on my side and then go to work on the ladies.

It didn't take long to come up with some suspects - the deceased wasn't known for playing nice. Yeah, she had enemies. No wonder the boys in blue weren't getting anywhere with this case.

First there was Captain Caribou. Of course that wasn't his real name but what you might not know about caribou is that they're dumb as rocks and that summed up The Captain pretty well. I soon learned that he was nursing a pretty big grudge, too. See The Captain has this hobby that he loves more than he likes his job. Seems "The Cube" found out he's been persuing his hobby instead of tending to his duties from 9-5. She was threatening to snitch on him to the big boss.

Next, there was the dizzy blonde everyone calls "Huge!" She's anything but, but that's her catchphrase. She says it all the time. Well, "Huge" just learned that what she's been skating by on isn't enough. The Cube wants bigger, better, more and "Huge" is feeling the pressure. It ain't pretty.

The last best suspect was a harried young assistant. Hard-working and well-liked, she was affectionately called "Do-Girl" by her peers because they recognized she was always being pulled in too many directions by upper management. They were always after her to "do this, do that." Her friends tried to help but she was feeling the stress.

That night I contacted Milo. Told him what I'd found. He told me to drop a few hints that I'd heard a rumor the police were keeping a close eye on a suspect. He said I should watch the three prime suspects closely. Maybe the guilty party would start to sweat.

So that's what I did and the results were wild. Before the end of the day the police station had 6 "confessions." One slashed breakline, one shot through the living room window, one case of arson, and three poisonings. They all confessed because none of them knew the actual cause of death. Any of them could have been the real killer. All of them had tried. Yeah. She had enemies. And they turned her lights out.

Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeen!

I have to wonder...Does anyone in the entire world love Halloween as much as I do? I feel such a rush of excitement and pleasure just thinking about it...and I think about it a lot!

I spend countless hours all throughout the year looking at websites devoted to my favorite obsession. Costumes, special effects makeup, haunted attractions. Ghosts, zombies, assorted cryptids and my hands-down favorite, Vampires!

Scary movies, darkly haunting music, books that keep me up late at night -you name it. If it's dark and spooky or mysterious, I want to wallow in it.

I can trace the birth of my profound interest in scaring and being scared. It was Scooby Doo. No, don't laugh, it's true. Think about it. Even the lyrics still thrill me to this day. "While Scooby Doo is running from a spooky ghost..." (happy shivers)

As a little kid with a predilection toward all things dark, this cartoon was like crack for me and it's still my favorite after all the intervening years. Each week Scooby and the gang had these grand adventures with all of the creatures that I find so fascinating. Imagine being chased by a wolfman! Hiding from a mummy! Tumbling down a ski slope to evade the abominable snowman! Holy crow, what a rush. I still want to be Velma when I grow up.

So yeah, Halloween is a big deal. A couple of years ago I hooked up with the local theatre to work behind the scenes on their annual haunted attraction-style fundraiser, Stage Fright. What a fantastic experience! A dream come true, really. I helped create life-size mummies, destroy and paint grisly faces on babydolls, find props, decorate sets and do makeup for the zombie curse-themed walk-through haunt. I even got to make up some E-VIL clowns for the funhouse maze, ah-hahahahahahah! I can't tell you when I've had so much fun! I'm so greatful I had the opportunity because that was the last year they put on that event. (Now they've decided to do the Rocky Horror Show every year instead. Maybe I'll audition this year - who knows.) The biggest problem - for me, anyway - with that decision is that now my beloved home town has NOTHING remotely scary going on during "The Season" and my merry band of ghouls and I have to create our own brand of fun. (More on that in a future blog.)

Like a little kid, I look forward to the big day all year long and every year I experience a profound sadness and sense of loss on November 1st - what will I do with myself for another whole year?! Nobody I know quite understands - they try, but.... Thank God for the internet and social networking sites - those places are full of like-minded freaks and I fit in there like it's old home week. Those folks are just as excited as I am in the weeks leading up to the hallowed evening and just as depressed as I am when it's over. So...we gather in cyberspace to celebrate - and bemoan our fates - together. It's therapeutic.

To the non-initiated, today is "only" June 8th, and Halloween is likely not on your radar at all. But we, the children of the night know that it's ONLY 145 days left till the most exciting, splendiferous, terrorific day of the year! Got your costume picked out yet?

The Alphabet, by Edward Gorey

Let me be clear, I did not write this. It is by an author named Edward Gorey but it's short and I love it.

You should also check out a band called Creature Feature - they set this to music and came out with a really fun tune. This is the album it's featured on.

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.

B is for Basil assaulted by bears.

C is for Clara who wasted away.

D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.

E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.

F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.

G is for George smothered under a rug.

H is for Hector done in by a thug.

I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.

J is for James who took lye by mistake.

K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.

L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.

M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.

N is for Neville who died of ennui.

O is for Olive run through with an awl.

P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.

Q is for Quentin who sank on a mire.

R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.

S is for Susan who perished of fits.

T is for Titus who flew into bits.

U is for Una who slipped down a drain.

V is for Victor squashed under a train.

W is for Winnie embedded in ice.

X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.

Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.

So...if ever you have someone you want to "do in," here's a laundry list. ;-)

Sloss Furnace

This weekend, I had the opportunity to visit the Sloss Furnace in Birmingham. Back in it's heyday, Sloss was responsible for producing iron, which was used all over the country to build buildings, cars, you name it. I won't delve deeply into the history of the place here in this blog - you can google it if you wish to read more about it, but the very nature of the place made working conditions nearly unbearable. Temperatures reaching upwards of 120 degrees, vats of molten metals, and an evil, wicked foreman named "Slag" all co-existed to make this an incredibly dangerous place to work. There were lost limbs, explosions that seared the flesh of some workers and blinded others, and at least 100 men are reported to have lost their lives there.

Most people who believe in ghosts believe these sorts of conditions can make an area ripe for a haunting (Update: moving orb?)
and indeed, there have been many reports of strange and frightening encounters and a number of investigative teams have gone in with numerous pieces of high-tech equipment. Again, you can google and find their accounts.

This, however, is my account.

Let me just start by saying Sloss definitely deserves a high creepiness score. Everywhere you turn there's another staircase leading down into pitch dark basement nooks and crannies. There are towers, bridges and narrow walkways that lead between and around giant, unnameable pieces of unknown equipment. There's even a tunnel. (Update: Can you see the bright beautiful orb in front of Mikki's face?)

It had been raining heavily for several days in Birmingham and the pumps weren't on. There was standing water everywhere in the lower levels. It's so dark that I took nearly 200 photos just so that I could see the path ahead in the momentary brightness of the flash.

When we first arrived I saw that the land the factory sits on is bordered on one side by the interstate. In fact, it's so close that the parking area for the furnace is directly beneath the highway with the parking spots falling between the giant support pillars. On the other side of the property is a set of train tracks that is still in use and a long train did go by, whistle blaring, while we were there. My thought was that we would have to discount anything we heard - if we heard anything at all. But that didn't stop us from hearing something completely unexpected and unexplained down in the bowels of the largest building. I'm baffled by it.

Let's take this in order though. I saw something. Up on a high, square tower in the bright afternoon sun, I saw a shadow man. He was leaning with his elbows on the top railing and one foot proped up on the lower railing. I saw him. He appeared to be a man dressed all in jet black close-fitting clothes, or perhaps it wasn't clothes at all. Perhaps he was simply comprised of shadow - I don't know. I only saw him for a moment. But the black outline of his "clothing" was crisply defined against the cloudy blue of the sky. I saw him in profile but even so I couldn't make out the shape of his face. It was just more darkness where a face should be. I had walked around the side of an enormous piece of equipment and was suddenly looking straight at him. I blinked and before I could say a word he was gone. I stood there in amazement. Not just that I'd seen something so clearly, but that I'd seen it outside, at noon, on a sunny day.

We had all split up and sort of gone out in little groups. My friend, who is in my opinion, a sensitive, came and found me. He told me he'd been exploring and had come across an area that had stopped him dead in his tracks, but he wouldn't tell me anything else. He just said, "Come with me." and so I did.

He took me into the largest building, into a room and down the stairs into a stygian darkness where I had to stand still for a few moments while my eyes adjusted to the faintest flicker of indirect lighting that was being reflected off of some of the equipment and into a pool of standing water. I had no idea how deep that pool was. It might have only been there because of all the recent rain but it was an enormous pool to be inside a building - probably 6 or 8 feet wide by about 8 or 10 feet long. Because of the size, I got the impression that it was deep and that it was a normal feature in this particular area. That impression was reinforced by the fact that there was a 3-foot-wide, mesh-grating type of bridge running across the pool. There were no handrails, and a rather large pipe jutted out over the bridge at chest-height which meant you had to duck and turn to manouever around the pipe, all while not falling off into that water containing who knows what.

My friend wouldn't tell me what he had experienced or even exactly where in the room he'd experienced it because he wanted to hear what I had to say. The moment I got both feet on that bridge I felt an overwhelmingly strong sense of vertigo. It looked as if the pipes around me were moving, and it felt like the bridge was swaying ever so slightly. There was nothing to hold on to and even though I was so close to the firm ground where I'd started (and where I'd felt perfectly fine) I was afraid to move. I had to stand perfectly still for about 20 or 30 seconds while I got used to the sensation of movement. My friend watched me standing there and finally asked what I was doing. When I explained, he kind of chuckled and said, "Yeah. Weird, isn't it."

We both finally made it across the bridge near the wall on the other side and were talking quietly about what could cause that particular sensation, when suddenly we both stopped and at the same time each of us said something like, "What the hell? A horse?" At the same moment, we had both clearly heard the sound of a horse whinnying. There were no horses on the property, and when we later checked with our friends, some of whom had been in a different part of the same building and some of whom had been outside on the grounds, not one of them had heard the horse. (Update: After further historical research we found that horses were common on the grounds during Sloss's heydey.)

There's another down-in-the-basement area that has been much-discussed in some of the televised investigations of the Sloss. The same friend and I wandered in there. This area has a giant pipe running through the room and out through a hole in the wall, on into some other part of the building. This pipe is blocking the path from one area to another so a four or five-step staircase with a concrete slab on top has been built for easier access between the two rooms. I climbed up on top of that slab and stood there. Have you ever felt the sensation of low blood sugar? You get sort of weak and your muscles get all jittery. Well, I'd had a late breakfast just about 2 hours earlier so that should in no way have been a problem, but that jittery low-blood sugar feeling came over me within a matter of seconds after climbing up onto that slab. I stood there for several minutes hoping the feeling would pass but it didn't. Finally I told my friend I had to sit down. I was about to step down to that first step when my knee on the supporting leg suddenly buckled. Thankfully my friend was right behind me and he has quick reflexes. I don't know what caused that leg to buckle any more than I know what caused the overall weak feeling. I sat down right there near the steps and my friend sat on the slab I'd just nearly fallen off of. We sat there for a long time not talking, just looking and listening. All of a sudden he snapped a couple of pictures. He said he'd seen someone standing in front of me, just about a foot and a half from me. I didn't see anything. I hope he caught it in those pictures.

After that I wandered into another room in the same area. It was really dark in there. I snapped a lot of pictures in there because I couldn't see anything. All I know is that as I sat there in the dark, the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I actually felt frightened. During the time we'd bee at Sloss I'd been startled, amazed, excited...but this was the only room that scared me. I was in there by myself for 10 or 15 minutes when my friend walked in. Immediately, he said, "Don't move!" and he snapped 5 or 6 shots of me from different angles. He still hasn't told me why but I can't wait to see the rest of those pictures.

Whoo-hoo!

I'm excited! Today is the first day my blog has shown up when I googled it.

Burning Man - a nightmare

No, not that one. This burning man is an entity in one of the most bizarre and frightening dreams I've ever had. This dream was set back in the early 90's when I had a roomate named Alice. She and I were both hairdressers back then.

The dream began with Alice driving us home from a hairshow. We were on the interstate. It was late, we were exhausted and there wasn't another car in sight. We were doing everything we could to stay alert on that last long, dark, lonely stretch of empty road.

I started telling creepy stories, thinking the adrenaline would energize us. I told the one about the man with the hook and the "parked" teenagers... The escaped mental patient...The babysitter who gets a spooky call from inside the house........all the classics. We were becoming very creeped out - but we were wide awake.

Before too long we heard a strange noise. It sounded like something had hit the front wheel well of the car. We looked at each other and laughed sort of nervously for a second, each of us thinking we'd imagined it. It only took another second though, for us to realize we'd both heard the sound. Then came the inevitable discussion. "What do you think it was?" "Should we pull over and take a look?" " Do you think it's safe to stop out here?"

Just a short moment later, I noticed a strange tiny glow emanating from that part of the car. As I watched, it grew and I realized it was the flicker of a tiny flame. Before I could say a word, Alice had noticed it too and she immediately began slowing down.

As the car's momentum slowed, the flame grew exponentially larger. Almost immediately, it blossomed into a fireball. Suddenly, I realized it was more than just a ball - it was shaped like a head - and it was attached to shoulders. Furious eyes suddenly blinked open and stared through the windshield with an unquestionably evil awareness and intent. The shoulder moved and an arm and hand came into view, slapping down onto the hood of the car with an audible thud. Then the other hand. This impossible... thing was climbing up onto the car!

By now the car had almost come to a stop, but Alice knew we had no chance against this thing if we stopped. With no other choice, she floored it. The car lurched forward and the creature was thrown against the windshield. At this close range we could hear the sound of the flames and the terrible, high-pitched, mewling sound the creature was making.

Rather than being reduced and devoured by the flames, this abomination was becoming more substantive every moment. It was actually being created by the flames. I could see bones, with bloody and grisly muscle and flesh knitting to them as I watched in horified fascination.

The car was slewing all over the road because Alice's vision was quickly becoming completely obscured by the detritus being smeared on the windshield. Without any warning the creature's fist smashed straight through the screen! The glass shattered, some of the pieces falling in on us and some staying upright, creating a jagged hole through which this burning arm was thrust, reaching for my face. The putrid stench of burning flesh permeated the interior of the car and blood and filth dripped and slewed all over me while the creature clawed and tried to grab me.

Thinking quickly, Alice slammed both feet down on the break pedal. The car went into a sickening spin and the creature lost it's grip and was thrown free of the car, but not before the jagged window glass dug into it's charred flesh and ripped the arm from it's body. I screamed in agony and terror as the severed limb landed in my lap, smoking and leaking a steaming viscous fluid all over me. I rolled the window down as quickly as I could, grabbed the now smoldering mess and jettisoned it from the car.

The creature had fallen onto the blacktop of the road and was self-illuminated as it tumbled end over end and finally rolled to a stop. It lay there in a crumpled burning heap. Still. Unmoving. We sat there, watching it burn. Trying to process what had just occured. To take stock of our injuries. And there were no words. The only sound was the popping and crackling of the fire and the soft inhalations of our stuttered breaths.

The fire shifted, the way a fire will as it consumes it's fuel. Or so we thought. Quite slowly, and to our utter disbelief, this monster (for what other label truly fits?) got it's remaining three limbs working and, with the grace of a dancer, rolled to it's feet and rose to it's full height. It stood for a moment with it's head bowed as if gathering it's thoughts. Then the head came up and it turned and looked at us. It turned on it's heels and began stalking back toward the car.

Screaming, Alice threw the car back in gear and jammed her foot down on the gas pedal. We took off, both of us looking back over our shoulders. The creature was running after us, but thankfully, it wasn't as fast as the car, and it began to drop back, appearing smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror. The last we saw of it, it was dashing into the treeline on the side of the road.